1:53 p.m. - 2010-02-07
eclipse
When I close my eyes, I can still feel the bitter wind coming off the ocean and twisting my hair into impossible, irrational little knots. I can feel the water spray up, crashing around the rocks, which suddenly seem immature in comparison. i can smell the salt in the air and taste it on my lips and I can hear the tide wax and wane like the moon, in and out, rhythmic and somehow romantic. I try to breathe along with it like I would if I were there, but I cannot catch my breath. I am alone, stranded, without air, being suffocated and unable to fight back despite my unrestrained and clearly working limbs. All I can do is walk. Where is unimportant. I will walk until it makes sense, until systole and diastole have decreased, until I know the first heart sound is without a doubt the sound of the atrioventricular valve slamming shut, until I am frozen in the two feet of snow, unable to move or catch my breath or even see straight. Then, and only then, can I stop, lay down in the snow right where I am standing and pray. I will close my eyes and pray for all those that I love, envy, appreciate, dislike, and any others I can think of and as I pray for these people, one name at a time, I will think of the waxing and waning waves, following the patterns of the moon, and I will slow my breathing to match, until suddenly there is no more; the light is out, the waves calm; all at peace.
