10:32 a.m. - 2004-11-21
You can never complete what is still living, but you may try.
I love knowing all the different sides to an argument or a situation. It�s part of why I give my opinion so frequently; I want yours in return. I like knowing all the points of view down to every perspective. This is partly why I like movies so much.
Movies are everything you�ll ever need out of life, minus the work. Maybe not entirely worth it in the long run, but if you�re only worrying about the next two hours and that just so happens to be how long the movie runs, then you�re golden. You�ve got friendship, heartache, love, remorse, scandal, and of course the moral of the story.
Sometimes movies just seem more worth it then anything else. That is another story, however, because I actually have a point to get to tonight and it doesn�t have much to do with this.
As children we are taught what to believe, whether we believe it our whole lives is our own choice, but it will certainly affect us. This goes down to religion, love, friendship, morals, everything. We are given a foundation for our lives just by being born into the environment in which we will live until legal age. The point is, we are taught happiness. We are given a comfort zone when we are born because we are comfortable with what we are used to and when it is gone, where are we left? If our environments change, or we are taken out of them, then we change as well. We adapt.
If we base what we truly are on what we are used to, then were we really truly ever anything?
What I�m getting at here is an empty forever- an empty universe of infinity. If there were no God and no love and no obligation or desire, would there still be happiness? What would we live for? Some believe this is how the world is already, but to them I ask, �Then why do you continue to live on?� Is there something you actually find worth living for? Please, enlighten me, because it seems everyone who is living, is doing it only because they have a goal. They have set impossible standards and will continue to work at them, because commercialism has put in our minds that we can not be satisfied with what we have. When in doubt, blame the human race and go on with routine, robotic responses, and technology inspired dreams of something out there that's better. I can't think of anything, but commercialism will soon enough trick me into thinking that I'd rather go and ride a horse and feed a pig and wear some cowboy boots, probably solely because I have never before and I wouldn't have the opportunity nor the want to do so, unless tricked into it. The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake. Little Mermaid taught me that. Basically, you'll never be happy until you have whatever it is that you don't have now, but then once you have it, you'll compare them and hate what you've done. Never succumb to satisfaction. Apathy is easier then this path of up and downs and happy/sad, but if we don't care about anything, then why not go and jump off a cliff and get it over with? Not worth it. gas costs too much. Want to look pretty in your coffin. Don't think anyone will put in the effort to go and get your body. Whatever. There's no point, so we find the next best thing, which is stick around here and be completely dissatisfied with everything until we get sick of that too and form a shell of apathy again and so the tiresome circle begins again.
I think that if we could come to terms with not expecting anything out of our environment, then something awesome could result. I�m not saying it would be good, I mean, in reality it could be a sever increase in the suicide rate, but there�s a chance it could be amazing. If we all put our hope into an empty forever, where nothing that we know today will exist, what will we live for? We�d be forced to live for ourselves. It could be chaos, but it could be a contagious state of being content or at least truth. I know it would never happen, but to imagine the results is incredible. If there were no God, how many people would act as they do? How many people would be genuinely nice people if the were not afraid of consequences after death? How many people would continue through each day without love, the ideal that so many live for? If there was no love, then would we all just stop seeing the point or would we adapt and find something new to wake up for each day? I am not the one to tell.
Tennessee Williams once said �The opposite of death is desire.� Does this not provide a more passionate stance on life? Are we living because we all have a separate desire to? After all, some people are atheists who never fall in love and they can be as happy as anyone else. What makes them live? I could never even begin to know, but it�s something. There is something keeping us all going and maybe in general terms it is desire. If there was nothing we wanted at all then, we would waste away.
This contradicts some of the more passive theories on life. Where do we get �Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da� and �Que sera, sera�? They�re all theories on ways to life your life. There are so many others that express an easy going manner that says �just let go of it, life goes on, whatever will be, will be.� These are the choices we are left; passive or aggressive? Happy or sad? Passionate or apathetic? Science or romance? This is also not for me to decide. Maybe I am getting tiring by giving all these questions and idea, but no answers, but I�m thinking that eventually everyone figures it out anyways. You�re alive; you�re living right now, now all you have to find out is why.
I am among the many who claim that the days can be too long or too short or too boring. Complaining is something most people have perfected, but to those people who life isn�t worth it, spend a whole day ticking off each minute. Really. Try it. Sit somewhere comfortable and you�ll probably want to have some munchies of some sort around you, but for each minute that passes make a mark on a piece of paper. When you�re done, you�ll see what that day could have been worth. Profound? Hardly, but maybe you�ll be inspired to be grateful for each day and every chance there is to do something amazing- even if you don�t take it.
Nothing I tell you is ever worth anything of significance, but maybe it can provide something, or else you already would have stopped reading. Try this: say your name quietly from inside a closet and say it faster and faster as this whisper until it blurs together. Now, get on the subway and get of anywhere. Don�t look at the signs, just get off when you feel that another minute on the train will have devastating results. Now, stand in the middle of the sidewalk or a common or a center of some sort and do the same thing, but this time, look around you while you do it. Still saying your name at a fast paced whisper- look at all the people who walk by you without a glance and all the buildings that are so tall in comparison with you. Which did you feel more comfortable with?
Watch someone else sleep for a while � as creepy as that sounds- and maybe you�ll see something you didn�t before. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but when there is silence and no opinion and only peace, isn�t everyone beautiful? Maybe it will even make you calm and reassured. Maybe not, but safety comes in odd forms and sometimes all it takes is being near something so indescribably peaceful.
Do something just to get a reaction and then talk about it. If you don�t get a reaction, then do something more noticeable. You can decide what you want to do based on the reaction you want. Count to 1,000 in a crowded room that is bustling with conversation that you are not involved in. You may learn that people pay more attention to you when they think you�ve gone crazy, or you might find that no one notices at all. I bet if I did it, all I would discover that I hadn�t known before is that 1,000 is a very, very large number. Maybe that seems like a stupid observation, but have you ever counted to 1,000?
I don�t need to kill time because it will die eventually by itself. There�s no need to waste away into time and space, because eventually it won�t matter anyways. In fact, it doesn�t even have to matter right now. That�s the beauty of it all. We all get to decide what is important to us. We all get to pick what we believe and eventually how we live. Can we chose what makes us smile and what makes us cry? I don�t think so. I think that some stuff should just be left to what it is. I would never want to control when I smiled or when I cried, well, when they are genuine. Anyone can smile and not mean it and there are plenty of times when crying seems like the only option because there is nothing left to do, but what makes that real?
Who decides what is real anyways? Here I am preaching about being real and knowing yourself and letting go and I�m not even close to doing any of these things myself. Is that real? Is that knowing myself? I�m pretty sure I�m at least close to knowing myself, but this isn�t it. Right now, I�m just brainstorming or something similar. This isn�t even close to anything I wanted it to be. If I wrote down everything I meant to, then this would never end.
This is all what ever you make it out to be, but to me it�s just a few thoughts that I felt like sharing because my mind was buzzing and I really wanted to do something.
You�ll only get out of it what you put into it. If you really want to think about it and get something, then you will.
Throughout your life, there will be so many people who tell you how to live and they�ll all expect you to listen. Don�t argue with them, unless you�re up for the challenge because they have learned something with their own lives and they just want to help. Listen to what they have to say, but then once they�re gone, do what you want, because that�s all that matters. What they did or will do can�t be compared to your life because they are two completely different scenarios. One of you is a fish and the other a bird. How can then be compared unless the fish is given wings? Listen politely and thank those who have your best interest in mind, but do what is right for you, because you know better then anyone else what is right for you.
I hate apologies. I would rather be slapped then apologized too. I don�t know why. It�s probably partly because I don�t believe them much of the time and it�s probably also partly because they are a waste of time. If anyone was ever truly sorry, then it could be expressed in actions rather then words. Sometimes, words mean nothing. Is it funny then how often I apologize? Maybe. I don�t care. No one had complained yet.
Forever is laughable. Forever is such a long time. Remember all those minutes you marked before? Multiply them by forever. Think of all the things we can do in that amount of time. Let�s do something nice with it. I don�t want to stand around here anymore. I haven�t been guaranteed forever, but whatever portion of it I have, I want to find something better to do with it.
I love when old people smile too, Ltadl. I love when they smile and they have an almost impish giggle. Just think, after all those years, there�s still reason to smile and laugh. It�s still all worth it. Certainly makes you want to stick around and find out, eh? Hope. No matter what is stolen from you, don�t let anyone take your hope, because once you run out, it�s hard to get back.
Well, I could go on, but then I�d be here for lifetimes and I�m sure there�s something better I could be doing, btu before you completely disregard all of this, would you do me a favor? Would you give me your opinion? What�s better, a life with money and no happiness, or a life with happiness but no money? What�s better, the passive or active approach to life? What�s better, pretending everything is fine, or coming to terms with it and getting over it? Tell me all your opinions on it, please. There�s no right answer. I just want to know your story and what you think is right for you. It would be much appreciated.
