4:04 p.m. - 2004-11-16
\"They're sharing a drink they call lonliness, but it's better then drinking alone\"
Today felt trivial in more ways then I can count, or would ever want to spend the time counting. I could explain that, but I'm not going to unless it's in an actual conversation, so talk to me.
"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if "ifs" and "ands"
Were pots and pans,
There'd be no work for tinkers"
I found that clever. I hope you do too.
If anyone would be interested in making me a template/layout, talk to me, because I've got plans. Oh, I sound important now don't I?
Something hmmm, what is the word I want here? Something significant is in the works. I know this and maybe it has nothing to do with you, so don't sit there and laugh at me because I can feel it. Don't you ever just know some stuff? I mean, does everything have to be explained to you? In any case, something significant is happening and if it wasn't, then I wouldn't have told you. It's as simple as that. I've said it countless times before and I'll say it again: I am not subtle in the least.
I want to do something and I want it to be significant and maybe that's where I'm getting these ideals of something changing, but, I'm so sick of waiting around for people. I'm going, want to come? Grab a jacket because it's going to be cold and meet me at the corner in fifteen. Don't feed me lies about a curfew, because we'll go home when we're good and ready to. If you don't want to come or you're waiting for an invite, then I'll just check you later, because here it is in the most plainly put English I can currently manage. You are always invited. I'm really tired for waiting around for something better to find me; something more interesting that will make me grateful that I don't need sleep to function. I'm going to find it myself, or at least do something. I could be a lot worse off and if this were a different situation, I'm sure I'd be having the time of my life. Yeah, that is my reasoning and because I've got this attitude to back me up tonight, I'm going with it.
I won't make any promises because there's a good chance that we'll come home empty handed and fall into bed and we'll wonder why we bothered, but I don't think we always will. I bet by the next day I'll be writing something about the experiences that actually mean something. I've said to countless people; recently even, that I don't make promises that involve me, because there is always the chance that I'll die tomorrow and then I have no control over it coming true and I hate diappointing anyone, least of all you.
"Everyone's got to face down their demons" Stop blaming people for what you're doing, because eventually you'll run out of faces to point to and everything will be too blurry to make anything out.
Oh and you, yeah, you. I love the stars too. I'm going to take astronomy next year, because I know it will be worthwhile and you know, I just have to say, "likewise, kid, likewise" Yeah, I hope you understood that. I bet you did.
I've been working some stuff out in my mind, or at least trying to and it's really been getting me down and I hate that. Really. I can usually be pretty good at letting it get to me for a few hours and then I can snap out of it, because I know it will get better, but eh, I'm in...something. Some sort of a funk I guess.
"freak scene" by Dinosaur Jr. is good. I like that John makes me listen to good music.
I wish I had my Rilo Kiley cd with me, but I left it at home. The winter makes me want really mellow music, unless I'm with other people and then I want ska and by that I mean, Don't even try unless there are some mad caddies, big d, bosstones, streetlight manifesto, rancid or something equally as happy in the background. Sure, it usually ends up turning into some sort of good conversation, because I'm really into that, but give me my little bit of energy, with any luck, you'll catch the disease and soon enough we'll be in something deep.
Right. I've had a brilliant idea. Really. It's better then my last one. I don't care who's turn it is, I win this time. Really. Sorry, but I'm cheating this time. I win. Ha.
If you've never heard "piano man" by Billy Joel, then go and download it and there's a good chance you won't like it, because unless you are me [which you obviously aren't] or a few other selected people, then the oldies are going way out of style, but I'm asking you to do it anyways, because I love that song.
"She would not say of any one in the world now that they were this or were that. She felt very young; at the same time unspeakably aged. She sliced like a knife through everything; at the same time was outside, looking on. She had a perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, out, far out to sea and alone; she always had the feeling that it was very, very dangerous to live even one day. Not that she thought herself clever, or much out of the ordinary."
I don't know why, but I enjoyed that.
No matter what we think is going to kill us, the hours will get to it first. Ever wonder why Captain Hook couldn't stand clocks? He couldn't bare the thought of another hour of free time. Boredom may not kill, but some variation of it can certainly do damage to your sanity, however much that is. The hours are the most unbearable of tortures.
I swear I have something better to say, I just have you pegged and I don't think you want to hear it because it would ruin all the lies that have carefully been feed to you.
Don't get too attached, next thing you know, you'll be popping pills and diagnosed codependent.
This is your life; get used to it. Most simplistic way to say get over it, but add a melody and you've got subliminal messages and a hit new song. Mm hmm. Well, maybe not a hit, but at least a song.
"Careless days
Count them all by the wrinkles on your face
This town is your jail
Suck it up cause you'll never make the bail
This is your life, get used to it
Forget the plan / Of high school dreams all melted away
Calculate
Is anyone left to take the blame?
This is your life, get used to it"
I'm through, but tonight I'm willing to take some chances, on you and in general. Get me to agree and I won't back out later.
Later.
