7:39 p.m. - 2004-11-17
Yeah, that's me, baby.
You and I are so different it's amazing we met to begin with. Maybe this isn't about you, but it probably aplies anyways.
Disappointment is nothing new to either of us. We both lie. I think I get more upset over it. Respect? Not even close? I can't say I'm proud. I can't even say I'm shocked and maybe that's what gets to me. I don't have to spell it out even if I'm almost to that point, because you know it already and it won't change a thing.
We're down for the count, but this means nothing to those who know better. We only get out what we put in. It's Newton's Third Law; every action has an opposite and equal reaction. It almost makes it seem pointless. If we're only going to get what we put in, why not just not put anything in and stay the way we are? Well, to be quite honest, the only reason is because that is boring and that will never be good enough for anyone for very long.
I could repeat the same old lecture about doing something worth while and making a difference, but I'm tired of it.
"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it falls due." How very true and very fitting. All the things I worry about are going to come true eventually anyways, so I don't know why I bother, but I suppose it's because I am human and I can't control it very much.
I didn't choose to be born here and I didn't choose my name and I didn't choose how I was going to look. I chose my personality. I chose my clothes. I chose my outlook and I chose what I was going to do today. What are you going to care more about? What I had a say in, or what i was given? It surprised me today when i looked around at how many kids are affected by the things they can't control. It seems to me that if you're going to judge someone, it should at least be because of something that they actually can control.
I love when people are just generally nice to everyone. Right now, I can think of 5 people who are just generally nice to everyone. They don't have to be, but they are. These five people say hello to me everyday if I don't say hello first. It's not a contest who can say it first; it's just natural. They are generally nice people, not because they say hello, but because they continue the conversation and ask how I am and when I say "fine", they don't believe it for a second. They usually wnat to hear about my day, because I'd do teh same for them. I'm not sure who started these natural unroutined rituals [ if there is such a thing], but it doesn't matter, because they are there. It's never the same person to start the conversation, we go back and forth and it doesn't matter. It's kind of sad how impressive I find this and how happy it makes me because it is something we were taught in preschool. Be friendly and polite. At times I wish I knew those people a lot better, but then somehow it wouldn't be as special and I liked keeping them up on the pedestal I have them on.
I love chicken. Really. I do. It's teh only meat I really enjoy. I wish I could make a cool chicken noise, because I would insert it right here. yep.
I wish people didn't have to be secretly disappointed and secretly upset and secretly annoyed. Why is it that way? I wish i coudl tell you not to be, but I'd feel too hypocritical doing so. Ahh. I'm finally here; here being teh end of course. Good night.
Right. I'm not checking that for errors. Deal with it.
"Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing."
