12:34 a.m. - 2004-07-03
and this was all it was
Dear friend I used to talk to,
You used to tell me all your secrets because you knew I was too far away to say a thing. I'm still too far away, but we don't talk anymore. Do you have anymore secrets? Who do you tell them to? You used to ask me how I was too and I used to tell you, because you were too far away to do anything about it and yet you still cared. I'm not really here anymore. I missed something, but one minute I was there and then the next I was gone. I missed it all and before I knew it I was back again and not where I left and there where lights and swings and conversation and we became such good friends, but I was just so tired of missing out on stuff that I didn't know I missed out on. I'm tired in general and you're no help. I guess I can tell someone else, I hope they care. They said they would. They will. I have to have faith in something. I need someone that will see that I try and pat me on the back. I guess I need attention. I never thought I did. I never thought I wanted attention. I guess it's just lately. I guess it's everything. I guess it's distance and not being here and just existing. I guess this is what I wanted? Look in my eyes and tell me I'm the only friend you ever needed and that all those days you where waiting by the phone it was just to tell them you weren't home. ha. Well, I'm so lost I can't even riddle my lies for you. she was there, but my words weren't and he was there and my words were, but I wasn't and then you weren't there and I would have been for you. well, my hand hurts...and so does that place where that scar is and my head and my eyes and i'm tired. so tired. when does it end, friend? when? augh. i'm sick of it all. i'm sick of looking for the end. someday it will find me. i'll just wait. goodbye, friend. you left me so long ago. I wonder how you are.
love,
a friend you used to know
