10:03 p.m. - 2005-05-25
I swear you're not listening. There is a heartbeat. There is.
Indian rain dances worked because they never stopped until the rain came. We've danced far too much this year. The complaints will be downplayed due to downpour, however and when the music plays we'll just keep dancing. I'm almost certain we don't have any other reaction. There's a certain rebellious streak that can be witnessed, but then again, I suppose you've been blinded lately. Well, this will just have to be a secret. And by secret I mean, everyone will know, but we'll never talk about it. This will be our oh so stereotyically mysterious scene. Don't mind me finding the typical boring. It just has to be believed that there's no way to avoid it.
The energy levels are at an all time high as of late though and you can tell this is going somwhere, because if it wasn't, we wouldn't dance. I've tried guessing at what you really want and if it's possible to make progress by moving backwards. I've considered it, but I've reached no conclusions. I stopped dancing too soon, but you see, it's a slow song. Heels pitter pattering. I think we're all a tad confused. That doesn't make sense, but we watch. It's so silent. Strategic. This is war. My goose bumps believe every word you say and I laugh. I laugh because I'm so gosh darn ticklish and because if I wasn't laughing I'd be screaming. I'd be screaming because I'm sick of crying. Waste of salt water and screaming involves more adrenaline, anyways.
Anyways. By all means? Despite everything? Are we getting to forever again. Count me out. Or in. Depending on your number line and your ability to predict my moods. If you're reactions to my moods isn't perfect, then neither are you. I won't hold it against you. I just want to be able to count on something. Counting in midair leaves much to be desired. Leaves aren't in style, but the trend is a course involving a sport and events followed one after another. Vague? hardly. A circle, a square, who cares as long as you end up where you started? someone does. someone has to care. Someone has to be right, right outside your window on the left. Right? Left? Wrong? Writing letters to friends detailing why today makes us want to stop living. heartache. growing pains. manic and insane. I swear my reactions used to match your every need. I can't react to the ordinary. drawing comics around postage stamps. and did i mention you're everything that's beautiful tonight? Did I? No. I guess I wouldn't, huh? I get the feeling everyone is a little shy about this and that's why it's not how it used to be. that's why it doesn't make sense? or maybe it's the people. Maybe we just don't seem right anymore. I didn't see that coming. I saw change, but I didn't see evolution. maybe no one ever does. I get the feeling we're becoming extict. It's not that we want to or even mean to, we just don't need each other anymore. we're too different. too independent. You read eyes you told me two summers ago and I believed you, because you couldn't lie to me then. If you looked in my eyes, what would you see now? What would they tell you? game over? I get the feeling you wouldn't be able to read the writing. I get the feeling there is a communication barrier.
Don't spill blood or tears over this. No one wants your sacrifice. No one wants your sob story and most of all, no one wants your forever, so keep it for yourself. It does no other good. it may not do any good at all. Stop taking chances on things you're not afraid to lose. You have to risk it all. You just have to. because, if you don't- because if you don't then you'll lose it all anyways and there will be no chance of getting it back. So, figure it out and risk it all because then it's on purpose and you'll get it all back. You get back what you put in. never settle. never cry when you have the chance to scream. never dig up roots, but always see how deep they grow. never be afraid to be honest. and never be afraid that this is the end, because it's only the beginning and as terrifying as that is, it's kind of nice to think about. The never ending story needed a name or everything would end. I need a little imagination, or this will die too.
we are all married to the stars because we gave our hearts away far too long ago. it's almost daylight and I hope you remembered that in order to breath, we all must think happy thoughts. like flying through time and responsibility, we'll exhale bad dreams caught in our dream catchers and build fires in trees that welcome us. We're not afraid to live, we're just afraid to live this close to one another, and so is the human race and how they'll spend forever.
Find out what you want and do it on purpose. Promise? pinky swear?
