10:29 p.m. - 2009-06-15
remember that day we skipped school to go to the beach?
What do you do when you need a friend but you are absolutely paralyzed due to your own short comings and cannot bear to go out or call or do anything at all?
What do you do then?
Who do you turn to?
I turn to faith. I talk to God a lot. I ask Him for the strength each morning to get up and move forward with the day. I ask for the strength to overcome anxiety, panic, the stress of the day and the stress that effects those that I love.
Still, as far as faith can take me, its a lonely world.
But today I sat and tried to count my blessings and decided it would be good to share them too. Im making plans and hoping to show up as a hero. Then again, the saying goes that you either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain.
The sad part is that we're not going to make it out of this alive or together. We're slowly fading and falling. Our hands can no longer reach one another and we are no longer on the same ground. We used to see eye to eye, standing full circle, hands clasped, eyes closed, reading each others minds. No longer. Never again?
I wish we could remember how to fly a kite or play hopscotch. I wish I could make the summers warm again and the rain less frequent.
Someday they will all forget me and all I can hope for is that maybe many years from now on the first snow of the season, I'll make my way into their thoughts and maybe they'll wonder where I went and how I am. Make no mistake, my mind never stops and my memory is strong.
We never write letters anymore.
