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5:37 p.m. - 2009-02-03
I can be an adult. what does that even mean?
Things that are wearing on me lately:
the heather/brandi situation in which brandi won't go home anymore and heather is the reason
the heather/shane situation in which shane is the antichrist and heather doesn't see it
the mom/dad situation in which there are too many issues to explain
the economy situation in which there is no money, no hope of getting money, and little hope for continuous jobs
the jackie/wiley situation in which wiley is a huge douche bag and I hate that word but I cannot believe how he treated her
the jen/sara, andrea, colette situation in which jen is being completely victimized and humiliated
and the one that is especially crushing me today is the situation where laura has to have a whipple procedure done which involves half of the stomach, the common bile duct, part of the pancreas, and most of the small intestine being removed. It has a high death rate and is rarely done in this area and it makes me really worried to the point I am sick from my stomach turning in knots.


Why do bad things happen?
And how are we expected to see the good in them?
Why can't life just be fair?
and how do we deal with it simply not being?
What do I do if that isn't good enough for me?
And what if fighting harder doesn't work?
How do we accept that sometimes our best and even giving more then our best simply is just not good enough?


over all, I'm upset.
But my wound healed up and streetlight manifesto put on an amazing show and I got the set list and matt had to save me when I got pushed down and trampled and i spend so much time and effort thinking about these things that i wear myself out, so I spend a lot of time in bed. in fact, i'm going to go back to my bed now and then wake up and do homework and try not to think.

Maybe alcoholics aren't just in love with drinking, maybe they just don't want to think about all of these things all the time. Maybe we could all use a little more compassion. then again, maybe that's idealistic and naive. I bet it's a little of everything. no one and nothing is the same.


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