1:41 p.m. - 2008-04-13
mulleygrubs
Two years ago. Weird. Where were you? And where was I?
I was....
"that little girl catching firflies, swinging all alone on warm summer nights. Jean jackets, long jeans, flipflops, and flower petals all over the yard, dragging my feet in the grass as I swing back and forth. I'm not really here. I'm million of miles away. I'm five years ago, taking night time walks with a friend, holding hands because we're afraid of the dark or maybe just afraid of what the dark hides. We dance in the moonlight and sit on the rock and tell each other stories that make us laugh, but... we're still afraid. I'm afraid of what is happening. These circles.... I can't do this alone. I feel hollow. I'm certain if you held your ear to my heart, you'd hear the ocean. I'm just empty inside, there's nothing keeping me rooted. Where do I belong? Who do i belong to? I mean that...not in a possessive way, but in the way that we all sort of belong to each other in the form of love. I'm afraid to leave, and even more afraid to stay, but fear is something I am well aquainted with and I know how to brush it off my shoulders and just...push forwrad into the deep water. "
I was searching for Doug and Pamela, Scarlet and Halley, Joey and Pacey, but I had already decided they didn't exist. I was just searching for the part of me who was willing to believe that they did. It's hard to covince yourself to just believe despite all odds. Faith in human kindness is so hard, but it's not supposed to be easy, right?
We question how things change, but you know what? Things don't change. People do. Somewhere there are people who still believe in these things, but they're younger or prettier or skinnier or louder or happier or...they're just different. They live differently, so they can believe still. But people change and it's so unfortunate. Holden may have pointed it out to me first, but we can't just lay down together in museum cases. We are constantly pushed forward and hopefully we do some good throughout it all.
A few years back and friends were curing everything that gets us down. remember? You have to remember.
The Cure
Ginger Andrews
Lying around all day
with some strange new deep blue
weekend funk, I'm not really asleep
when my sister calls
to say she's just hung up
from talking with Aunt Bertha
who is 89 and ill but managing
to take care of Uncle Frank
who is completely bedridden.
Aunt Bert says
it's snowing there in Arkansas,
on Catfish Lane, and she hasn't been
able to walk out to their mailbox.
She's been suffering
from a bad case of the mulleygrubs.
The cure for the mulleygrubs,
she tells my sister,
is to get up and bake a cake.
If that doesn't do it, put on a red dress
I guess if you can't bake and don't have a red dress, then you just...don't get the mulleygrubs until summer and then when you get them, you bake a cake, wear any color dress you own, faint your face in a fashion fit for the grave, and dance on the beach with cake in one hand and babybabybabybooze in the other. That makes it sound kinda worth it, doesn't it? Maybe it's worth getting down just for an excuse to throw yourself further with some buds.
It's absolutely necessary that we leave right now and we can't stop until we get there for fear we'll be late.
Okaaaaaay, but where are we going?
I have no idea, but we have to go right now. There is not a second to lose.
Deep down we're shallow and this hail type rain makes me wish that I smoked. Why does the weather determine my entire life?
The internet is still depressing and your past is a shame, but hey, it's all about communication and not letting go, right mannnnnng? For sure.
I reunited with my ska buddies this weekend when I found tem hiding beneath my markers, a journal, and some books that I never got a chance to read these past two semesters. So I colored and danced and was in way too many fucking pictures.
C'est la vie!
EDIT: I hate when people ask me if I like [insert guy's name here]. Honestly, I will always lie. When presented with this situation, I will always say no whether I do or don't because guess what, I'm not the type of person who will get into these types of conversations. So, my answer is no. Always.
