12:49 a.m. - 2008-03-07
Really trying to keep my chin up
I miss Sampson and Emma a lot. I cannot even explain it. It's kinda like how much I love Blink 182 and when the weather warms up so that it feels like Spring.
Friends left me stranded today and I wasn't allowed back in my room, so i walked, alone, which isn't safe, but I didn't care. I had a lovely time with Blink 182 catching up on all the things that happen when we're recorded live. I watched the sun set between the buildings rising for the bridges and laid down on a bench in my favorite courtyard. My hair fell loose of its tie and all I could think was that I wanted to lay down in the sun with them because they always get it.
I heard a story a few days back about a man who tried to bring a bottle of vodka on a plane and when he was told it would have to be thrown out, he chugged it all. He had to be rushed to the hospital for severe alcohol poisoning.
Stef and I change the countdown every night at midnight. it's our favorite time. She's been having a rough week and I don't know how I've been. I've been having weird dreams. Dreams where I end up sick or dying or having cancer or really intense surgeries. Dreams where no one cares, including myself and I keep living the way I am or whatever. It's just weird because I'm not afraid of dying, so why would I be having those dreams? Sometimes I think it's because people always hold you tighter when your dying because they don't want to let go and lose you. Is this a consequence of being free? Is there such a thing as too free?
It feels good to keep a steady walk going through the city. I like walking fast, which just feels like a normal pace to me, because then I can have that constant sense of empowerment. To walk with your head up, past the world without giving it a second thought, well, they can't take that from you.
Watched a movie tonight, the same one again. i always find something new to latch onto in it. But i don't really want to admit that. I picked up my records and transfer approval slip today and cleaned up maybe even packed up a little. But shhh, we won't even talk about it.
Dan tried getting me to register voters so that we can get them to vote for obama. I don't want to help out with that. I don't want to be involved in that. I don't believe in making a scene about things I do not feel strongly about and I do not feel strongly really about any of the choices. never stay where your heart isn't and never do what you're not passionate about.
Man, I really needed a friend tonight. I really needed Sampson and Emma. I took meds instead, which is not quite the tradeoff one would hope for, but they probably have an artificial replacement for that feeling as well.
It's gunna rain again tomorrow.
