10:32 p.m. - 2008-02-28
I found a new perspective on the sidewalk today
When I have nothing worth saying, I say nothing at all, but if I said what I was thinking, I may never stop for air.
Turns out dad doesn't have cancer, which is really really great. I'm really thankful for that. and i'm the "trophy kid" once again. I'm always her excuse, which I just find kind of sad.
I'm afraid of those girls the roll themselves into insults in your stomach. I'm afraid they'll get the best of you.
When you get lonely, come home okay? We like to pretend we don't need each other and I'm okay with that. At least for tonight. Besides, when it comes down to it, it's all about sideways glances. Remember when I said Father would be outraged? I meant it.
I'm trying to protect her. She acts tough, but she gets hurt easily. So I talk to the people who get her down and I have more attitude then them and I care more then they down and I fight for what I think is right. I like to call it honesty. I can't decided if it's just stubbornness.
Even jealousy needs a governess. I can't keep making promises or waiting around.
Why can't we all live? I put a new perspective on the record player today and I danced with the spirits in the parking lot and I snuck down loading ramps and into secret worlds where everyone I meet wants to dance.
I used to think there was never enough air here, but I was wrong. I just have to find it. I just have to teach myself to breathe through the wind....before it takes my breath away.
Two years back and you were still hanging around and i was still self conscious about calling you my best friend. What does that mean? I used to know. Greece & Albania. A pretty accurate description.
What they should have said to each other,
Sideways. And Sidewards. And the differences between Carrie and Kerry. What should I call you? And will you understand me? Are you being pulled away? And do you know how to bowl? Would you bowl? Do you have magnets on your heart? And can I scan your heart for its intentions? Or do you want to buy real estate and move to suburbia? DO you want kids and a dog and a cute little fence to keep the demons at bay? Fences keep you in, but they rarely keep anything out. And you can build walls and I'll lean against them. And lock doors and I'll wait outside and travel the country and maybe I won't be here, but I'll be somewhere. That's the thing, I'll always be somewhere! Where will you be? And will you take too many showers because the phone isn't ringing? Or wait at airports? Airport love can be sickening. It's not trendy anymore. I mean, it totally is, but I don't participate. I don't know how. And how is the family? Are they all still sharing their hemlock and daisies? And will you tell them that I said hello? Are you sure you want new york and empty apartments and small couches and a keyboard? Are you sure? Isn't it lonely when you both fill up that too small bed without even talking? Without even trying? It's too easy to lose you on the way to church. clickclickclick on the pavement. The weather changes half way between your house and mine, so if you can't understand or see where I'm coming from, that's completely fine. These abrasions won't come out straight anyway. I've been fighting with too many clocks to be able to tell you how I feel about anything precisely, but even when it's wrong, it will be right twice as often as me. Everyday i start off talking with you, I end up laying down with angels. So, if you ever want to chat, i'll ink my number in your ear and play it to a song you won't be able to get out of your head.
I'll never say a word of it.
I found a new perspective on the sidewalk today. These sideways glances are really working for me. And now I'll just smile. Because city dust and smiles are gorgeous. I'm on a mission to find style now.
