9:22 p.m. - 2006-08-08
Someday i'm not going to have to ask anyone's permission...how terrifying is that?
In a world with so many people, so many lost souls wandering aimlessly, so many broken hearts and totured being, how is it possible to feel so alone when you know how very loved you are?
How is it possible to feel so isolated and separated in spirit, in mind, and maybe just in general.
Everytime I get this coin into that glass, you're going to tell me one thing that is bothering you.
Looking back, there's not much I would change. But looking into teh future, I really hope I learn to let people get close to me. I really hope I get over being afraid. And I really really hope I stop doing that really cynical thing where I'm convinced everyone leaves, because it's really straining on the heart.
hey, maybe I was supposed to be a girl after all- shopping, hair, and makeup aside, of course. At least I have the emotionally stereotypical part down.
Maybe she's chasing dreams. Maybe she's running away from reality. Or maybe she's finally finding happiness. But now i'm caught because I wnat to be happy for her, but i'm also pulling that really selfish bit where I look around and I ask, why weren't we enough? The really kinda terrifying part is, I don't think it's hit me yet. I haven't really started to miss it because well, it's just like any other week. How do we live like this? How do we go through each day, each week, and so on not seeing the people who we know love us the most? Maybe because distance makes the heart grow fonder. Or maybe just because taking a step back allows room to forget everything that made us angry and then we just have the good memories.
I'm still scared. I still want a hug everyday. And I'm still standing in teh ocean, water up to my ankles and just existing, watching the waves. In and out. crashing around my legs. Breathe in and out. We can't control it, life just goes on. It's as simple as the waves rolling in and out.
I don't have any real problems. Nothing that's breaking news. nothing that makes me anything but ordinary, but the thing is, I submitted myself to being mediocre a while back and while it wasn't my finest decision, I think I'm doing a hell of a lot more living because of it and that is saying something considering the amount of living I am doing.
