6:34 p.m. - 2006-04-24
we don't even believe in confessionals
The politics of this incredibly unintelligent day are severly incorrect. The PC scale is off balance and it's tasting a little sour. PH for the PC?
"get the fuck out of my life"
but I paint my nails, angry enough to spit nails. nails nails nails.
Don't wait for me to get this dance party started. I'm not gunna be your sacrifice.
If I were on your mind at all, i'd be dancing around your thoughts, crushing certain ideas, throwing around my commentary. prescribing happy endings.
prescribing a hell of a lot of fun with prescriptions.
I hate the middle. I hate their fucking fights. and I hate this act. I hate what relationships seem to do. I hate how involved people get. I hate how willing they are to let one person become their entire being without even knowing who they are as an individual.
I don't really hate it. I'm just not a fan of the side effects.
I'm really looking for someone to blame here.
covered with dirty white lies and hidden top secret confessions.
matching suits and ties. lined in white lies.
color of the devil, headed for summer, abusing limitations,
sticky wet sugar lining cups to become addicted to. maybe. perhaps.
"You won't get rich off this." Well, neither will you.
Are you in this for the chase?
and i don't know what to give for advice here
but i'm thinking of airplanes and road trips
the truth is, if I went away, i'd start missing everyone way too much
i always say that i wouldn't, but I would
but I need to go. I need to sort of prove my independence to myself.
i need to live up to my own expectations
and I need to exceed theirs
i have this need to prove myself, to be more then what i think i'm actually capable of
I want to do more then be sitting around weymouth when i'm twenty going to babyshowers for unprepared and unplanned mothers.
this is the intermission. the finale is disappointing though, so if you're satisfied, don't stick around.
If you ever plan on dying within the week, don't buy green bananas. and don't get your nails done. and don't give your cds away. and don't match your socks. and don't clean your room. and don't match the scents of your shampoo and conditioner. just don't.
at least i'm not them. at least i don't sit around the store, arranging dolls and talking about my best friend and how much I hate her. at least i don't do that. at least i;m honest.
I used to be honest at least.
I'm so sick of starting scandals and drama with them though. I'm not competition. I'm just..breathing. and I'm not supposed to have to choose. and I wish i could just remove myself from scenarios that I found dissatisfying.
"You can get up and go. No one will stop you."
Is there truth? It love real? is there more then what is right in front of us?
do we need a camera and a smile to make it through this?
are you just playing pretend with me?
stop asking questions. and stop taking pictures. and stop getting on their nerves. can't you just exist for a while? stop trying to make it better! stop trying to improve it. stop trying to be a fucking super hero. You aren't. You aren't. and you never will be.
ACTIOOOOOON.
Call me classic.
We all need a little comfort these days.
Remember movie nights and sweatshirts. and fall. and just...laying on teh couch. comfort. sneaking in and out. catching fireflies. trying to fly off swings. and riding bikes to familar places. seeing familiar faces.
remember that?
yeah. start remembering, start missing everyone.
guilt.
and all these unsettling thoughts.
expect a second chance.
