8:28 p.m. - 2006-03-26
You can count on me to split
The radio leads a feel good revolution.
Which is a good thing.
Considering the times and the weather reports.
coordinate planes, coordinate hands. unit coordinators. coordination.
She comes home in an uproar and throws away her socks because she wants to throw away the day. It all stinks. She puts the milk in the cabinet and the cereal in the refridgerator. Let it all rot. Like today. Like Sundays in the winter. Cold, harsh, gloomy, and disappointing.
I don't know if I missed him or if I was just frustrated. Maybe both.
I don't know if I cared or not. I don't know if I was trying to be aggravating or if I was just indifferent to the point of aggravation.
I ran my foot over today and now my toes are little bruised extremities that are an ugly shade of purple. I also hit myself with an IV. And, I don't care.
the clock is spelling indifference with the tolls it's taking on fate.
And God and I are having trouble communicating. But I don't know why. Am I wrong? The wronged?
This will not end well, but God knows it will end. Or..does he?
not answering phone calls, being stood up and held up and abandoned, but only of the surface. Where it really counts, we're got armies fighting for us or maybe they're fighting us. There comes a point when it means the same thing.
I don't know if we're there yet or not.
But they're not answering the phone. And it might be time that I made a decision.
Working all weekend just to get paid. Let's just play pretend. Close your eyes and lay down your pretenses. Hallelu, Hallelu, this is all for you.
Champagne Frost and glitter girl crushes. Where are you? Dressed to kill, iced in bitterness, dripping with sarcasm.
It's different when they put it together. A chemical equation where the elements combine to form something entirely too fatal. There is a cure. there is. But it's fatal. Oh so fatal.
I'd paint you blue if I thought it would matter to you at all. But you're not reacting. Crayons have no affect on your heart anymore.....and I never did.
Can you make it through? one week.
shortened. well, slightly.
Don't let this haunt you. Just know that I miss you.
But you can't answer. You're too far gone.
Don't hate me for this. Don't hate me for losing control. Don't go away. Please.
Don't hate me for falling apart.
heart heavy. days dazed. "I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split."
You're still everything that is beautiful tonight. But you'll never know it. And you'd never believe it anyway.
