10:04 p.m. - 2005-11-29
Starting with me.
I'm caught between becoming apathetic and putting all of my effort into getting everything done. Two mediums of numbness. Two extremes. Both equally as unsatisfying.
But I don't live in a submarine. I don't live underwater. I can hear your intentions through glances, shaded by darkened glasses for decoration. If I could, I think I'd hang you on my Christmas tree and watch you glow when we turn off the lights. I think you'd be my favorite ornament, if I let myself admit it.
I decidely cannot live without the snow much longer. This is a statement that is 90 percent passion and .000000000000000000000001 percent fact. Math is not the answer to this problem and any professor who feels everything has an answer will need to be set straight carefully, slowly, and with a gentle nature.
Life is becoming increasingly stupid. Starting with me. Because I'll place the blame on myself first. This is your fault, loves. I'm just not talking to you.
My sister almost got arrested today. The police were at my house. My mom almost had a heart attack. And it was just one of those days at work where I sat there and everything was going on around me and I just really really felt like quitting and going home and sleeping for a very long time. It all just...felt so ridiculous. It felt so unneeded.
I feel like walking for a very long time through wind and shuffling feet in the leaves. I don't know where to and I don't know how long or with who, but it's what I feel like doing and it's what would feel right.
I feel like everyone has given up. Starting with me. I'll take the blame. I'll walk away if you walk away.
