12:05 p.m. - 2005-10-08
Missing you
Busy. That's hwo to ignore it. It's also a way to be prodcutive, but when it feels like replacement, I can't just....exist, I have to exist for a purpose. And it doesn't matter if I stop sleeping, stop eating, stop talking, as long as I am existing for a purpose, I'll exist. This isn't teh case though. And none of that is happening. It's humid. Someone is breathing down my neck, making it hard to be comfortable, hard to pick my eyes off the ground. Fairy dust isn't for making wishes, it's for making wishes come true. A slight difference, but a difference all the same. I have no desire to lower myself again. "Why?" That's what she asked. "To be dependable. So they know they can count on me. So they feel safe." That's why. But I'm talking about work and extra shifts as opposed to friends and family now. A change that I'm not sure my feeling on. My hands smell like lemons- creating a cure. We just have to believe that it will work...and it will? Sink into lost friends, betrayals, and hollywood scandals. Sandals in the fall and green leaves all year long. I need a color - and attitude- adjustment. And if I'm somehow blamed, I'll dance away. I'm not running, not hiding, not being cowardly. I'm living. I'm enjoying what is left of what I know. I'm soaking up the last of summer's sun - a tan that doesn't eual sine over cosine, but tints my skin. Tinted. Porcelain broken, glass shattered, paint smudged. And leeching on to people who can only do us harm. Stay away from broken people. The domino effect can only cause destruction. Like the petals that fall from daisies who can't make a decision - liars. He loves you. Not. Time warp to the 80s. A trick played on those too gullible and trusting- words that never used to be synnomous and still really shouldn't. You're a natural. A real class act. Beautiful. But Mona Lisa never smiled either. If I were famous, I'd never tell anyone my dogs names. That is something that is mine. I'd never want to share it.
I am disappointed in introductions...and farewells and avoiding both. Life goes on. It doesn't stop for anyone. I can't stop time...and I won't waste it, either. so, maybe I'm forever busy, but at least it feels okay and at the end of the day, I'm tired, but I'm still okay.
Funny words can mean anything.
