12:47 a.m. - 2005-07-17
Are you cool with just tonight?
Maybe it's wrong to give up, but I tied the knot and held on and this is just too much hanging. Too much waiting around and my attention span has been redirected. In short, I am giving up because I'm tired and it's not mutual and I'm happy this way and I never used to care about that because there were more important things, but there comes a time when it feels very important that each and every day is the best that it could be. There comes a point when no matter what it is deadly important that each day is amazing and fun and happy because if it's not, then it seems to stick out and every little thing that goes wrong goes really wrong and it's just so important. That's why i'm doing this. That's why i'm taking offense. that is why I am taking all the hints and assumptions and sewing them to my eyelids so when I close my eyes at night, they're little reminders that it is better to stay awake. I'm sick of the things that keep me up at night.
Make the fireflies dance, so I can catch them and let them go and sing "here's to the night" by eve 6 to me and I swear I'll fall in love.
Oh yeah, and this boat thing just isn't going to work out. Sorry to disappoint. I'm sorry you'll blame me. I'm sorry I'll pretend I don't care. And I'm sorry, but I'm pinning this all on everyone else and leaving it up to them to fix it, because I'm not lonely. I know some of the most amazing people and I know people who would hold my hand if I was scared and kiss a cut to make it better and dance with me when i really really want to dance- for no reason at all. I know the most amazing people and what is so very very important to me is that they won't break their promises and no matter what, I can count on them to act how I have become used to them acting. I don't mind change, but your dollars don't add up.
I apologize for all of this.
