7:28 p.m. - 2005-04-26
It has to be the weather.
So, I don't know how to spell out what I want to say and have it be understood and riddled at the same time. Most of the time, I don't want to be understood. I just want to be able to write what I feel and have it mean something to me. And it does. Really. I just wanted to clear that up. I don't really mind who reads what I write- as long as they don't really understand it, which is usually why I just keep my thoughts to myself. Most will disagree with that. I don't care. No one knows what I consider my own thoughts and what is open for public view and no one knows whether I am telling the truth or not. I'm not quite that consistent.
Enough about me. I am boring.
Tune that piano, write down those few words that happen to come out of nowhere. I want to know what is in that big dumb heart of yours. Big dumb love? I don't want your compliments. They are month old jello molds left out in the sun. So terribly disappointing. You don't care if I leave, do you? Good! I'm gone, toots. This is getting tiring. Idon'twantthisanymore. I'm making friends with trees. They know more about life. They're more intelligent and when I talk, I don't expect a response, so I'm never disappointed.
Bugs sing to me on silver lined clouds from which I am typically hanging. Typically. Despicably. Ridiculously. We are the human race and you are losing. So am I. We all are. No one can win in a doomed race. Pinned at your sides are roses, dipped in ink and affecting less. Plastic romanticism, dear. This is your profession. you're so damn professional. Cursing is all the rage. Your style makes me shake on a beach in California. Earthquakes are for the strong at heart and clumsy on their feet. Spaghetti limbs and hungry eyes, feeding for affection. You're not winning this election. the votes are in and you're going down, you're dipped in fantasized emotion. Your ups and downs are idealized and craved for. this is devotion. We're making each other sick, but as long as you're happy, I'll keep smiling. I don't want you in my bad mood. you'll only make it worse. I know nothing about these games besides how to play. The rules aren't there. We're thrown in and people watch as we fight. Thumbs up or thumbs down. they decide your fate. I'm just looking for excuses and maybe you could be mine. Intelligence makes you glow.
Eighth grade girls that shine with glitter running down their faces and circling their neck. Hoop earrings- hula hoops. Tied in bows and hitting lows, these are what insecure girls are made of. do you hear that bompbompbomp? heart beats quickening and everyone is watching. Running is out of the question. Let no one see your breathing. It's a secret, tied to your ankles in bracelets of iron - seeping into your blood and trying to kill. You're the reason we shot the pilot. We're flying this alone. You're always choosing favorites and the ones that care the most are never on your list. you're jumping rope with seagulls. Are you willing to take this drive.
You're in my car. I'm driving you crazy. Insanity is your cradle on the tallest of the trees. I want you! you want me! bangbangbang. Guns go blasting. You're on fire. hot like ice and cold like your stare after you finally understand. Light and marble finally collide. Rocks are for throwing, not storing in your dreams. your dreams are worth nothing more then pennies, sold at a store on fifth ave. I hate odd numbers. We're not even. I'm winning. you're out of the game. you smiled and lied and cried. your points are gone. I fed them to the fishes.Yes, fishes. not fish. I make my own rules here. shark bait at it's best. your solution is safe and I'm betting i could show you danger in its own territory. You are a danger to yourself. i could ruin lives with a simple comment. i could break you apart and you'd call it a case of jealousy. I don't need to turn green about a notebook. I have my own. What a fucking waste. you're ruining my soil. spoilsportspoilsport. You can't escape what you're made from. you're made from lava from volcanoes too many years old to be explosion. Infertile mothers screaming they wasted the best years of their lives on waiting around for your fucking career. Fucking. Cursing. implying you're a whore gets you double the points as a three pointer shot in a glory game win. You're on your way out. please don't stop being ironic. please don't stop pissing me off please don't take my words for truth. please notice my breathing is faster then your running. you can't keep up anymore. IcanIcan!
racing with words. poetry on toothpaste tubes. her heart on a sleeve you feed to the paper cutter. ever think of making a circle out of that big dumb muscle? circle's last forever and so won't this drama. Dramatic, fantastic, wonderful to say the least. No longer conscious. I can't remember where we are. It's essentially perfect and so are you. Essentially. Essentially. What's it to you?
The story is over, You'll never understand. You won't ask and I won't tell. I'm tired of games and pinky swear? we're all going to hell. truth or dare? I dare you to be honest. monopoly says I get two hundred dollars. well, screw your games. i only want one and I'll write an anthem on it for fucking fun. George Washington, you smoked pot. You were the first good leader and the last in that spot. democracy is crazy. It should be spelt with a z and we should all go to heaven because we're a special kind of dog breed. My anthem doesn't ask for raised hands or sorority tunes. I want dishonesty and dancing under big bright moons. i want a fight with mother nature. i swear, she's at fault. I'll bring her down, I'll thank her up and ask her for some..whoooo, that's gone. I love this game. You're amazing and so is the night. I hope the last thing that i see tonight is your hand shutting off the light.
I'm sorry. I'm done. Tonight is so crazy. I take that back. I'm not sorry. I love this crazy feeling. I like it. it's new.
Sweet dreams.
