7:03 p.m. - 2005-01-12
\"Bought a ticket to the West Coast\"
I'm not so good at getting a taste of my own medicine, but I guess I'll just have to deal and go with the flow, right? If there's a hidden message, I can't read it. Please know my sight has not improved since last you inquired. I hope everything is well in the North. That's where you are right?
Rachael Yamagata sings to me about being worn down and I feel the same way. Please know that I'm not really doing any of this. I'm just letting it be done, because I don't know how to fix that.
If you knew me as well as you claimed, then perhaps you'd tell me all of your angry thoughts and perhaps I would explain them. What good are they doing up in that head of yours? You know as well as I that I'm just hanging around. I'm just waiting to be ....acknowledged perhaps? Maybe. Who am I to tell?
I'm quite tired and I could use a movie night in with popcorn and a few laughs, but with all that's going on, I can't see that happening. Instead, we'll all get so racey and we'll all scream so loud and we'll all let the world know that when it comes down to it, we're not happy with what is happening.
Maybe I am an icicle, cold right down to my stone heart, but what evidence have you given me that I should not be? When it comes to trust, you have mine and for that you should feel of importance, but how can I ignore the thorns of a rose, when they are repeatedly stuck in my side?
Sure, I could get up and I could make it happen and I could ask and beg and plead, but that's simply not my style and I'm comfortable enough with myself to wait until all affairs are set in order.
I would like to point out that it's painful sometimes to know some of your reasons for getting upset, because a great deal of the time, it hasn't a thing to do with anything I'm involved in. I do not mean to imply I like making anyone upset, but, well, no, I don't suppose you'd understand this unless you asked me.
How many different ways can I say the same thing? It appears that's what I'm getting at. I hate that about whatever it is that I'm trying to say. It's frustrating among other things.
It seems that I can't find a reason to find someone to talk to. I wait around for them to talk to me, unless I know they simply won't.
I know your words before they leave your mouth, simply because they never will. You can say it all with your eyes, with the way you carry yourself, with the way you position your hands, and by your face. You need not say a word.
Is this crucial to how we live? Maybe, but there's always a pathway through the mountains and if there isn't, you can be sure I'll make one and I'll hold all the braches so you'll never have to face them, but be assured, I cannot remove all the stones from the earth and you are sure to fall at some point.
I must leave this unfinished because I have a date with Huck Finn, but I hope something will come of this, because waiting around is a disaster.
