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9:20 p.m. - 2004-12-22
\"I'm gunna make you love me\"
tonight's song:
"she was diagnosed on a friday
the kids were almost home
the kids were on their way back home from school
lying faced down in the gutter
of unaccomplished dreams and broken memories of things to come
sorry ma'am i really am
i have to break the news
i have to make the phone call
to tell you that you're due you know where
and i'll tell you when
and i suggest that you start living the next three weeks the best that you can
every night for three long weeks
she'd roam the hallways half asleep
and as the footsteps fade away
in my mind i can swear i can swear i heard her say
don't wait for me
i got a lot to do
i got a lot to be
and in the end maybe i'll see you there

lost her strength on a saturday
spent the day in bed
yeah i'm fine it's just the flu she said
with a smile
but when they turned their backs
the tears would flow
she knew she only had a while
to live
to breathe
to be
to see
to bleed
to stand on her own to weakened feet
and so i prayed
every day
"don't take my mother away"
every night for three long weeks
she'd roam the hallways half asleep
and as the footsteps fade away
in my mind
i can swear i can swear i heard her say
don't wait for me
i got a lot to do
i got a lot to be
when in the end maybe i'll see you there

repeat

don't wait for me
i got a lot to do
i got a lot to be
and in the end maybe i'll see you there"

"As The Footsteps Die Out Forever" - Catch 22

---------------Part Two----------------

Dear friend,
The even days of every month are coded with sarcasm and laced with ribbon candied apathy. It looks too pretty to eat, if you ask me. You didn't.
I have an awful lot of holiday spirit tonight. It makes me very happy and smiley because I want to give everyone presents. I wish it was more like winter.
I had so much I was going to write tonight and I'm slowly becoming too drained to make the effort.
I'm glad that no one can line my z. I wouldn't trust anyone to be able to live up to that.
More to me then meets the eye? I don't think you have much to teach and I doubt I'd be able to understand your pupils. Lies. Lilies. You probably have a lot to teach, but I can't listen anymore.
There's ten dollars on the table, but it's not mine. The fire is at my heels and I know that when teh water comes down, I'll have teh perfect response to everything you ahve to say.
I lie again, because I can. Not really. I'm making this up, because boredom is up killing every cat that curiosity missed and there are only 4 numbers I can count to- 1001, 1002, 1003, 1004. The end.
How do you write novels about everything I dream about? It's simple. You dream them up for me.

It's a half hour 'till dawn and the smoke from the cold is rising and falling with my chest because I'm still awake. I haven't slept in days, but I like it better this way. Every sixty seconds, I smile because I can and I think it's amazing that I can move my mouth with my mind. It's so much easier to be grateful for everything when you've been awake for days on end. Don't bother trying it, just trust me.

I have so much more to say. I wish I had the energy to type it all. Another time I suppose.

Sweet dreams, friend.

Sincerely,
One heart

-----------------Part three------------

2 Days uintil christmas

29 days until I'm on PBS

I think I'll play with the play-doh I just found, now.

Tomorrow is the last day before vacation.

I've baked a lot lately.

I wish I had a whisk.

I wish someone would play rummy with me tonight.

I'm leaving now to finish Christmas thingers.

Sweet dreams. [Really now.]

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