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4:16 p.m. - 2004-10-15
Compose me a piece of music worth falling in love with
Just another little something I wrote from the depths of Algebra II Honors.

Maybe I'm not what you expected. Maybe I never will be. Does it even matter? How can you tell me you care when I know for a fact that you don't. You can't see me. If you have ever felt invisible then you know my current state of mind. I only wish that I was as invisable as I feel. I wish the games would stop. Stop pretending that it makes a deifference if I'm there or not and if we are actually talking. Stop pretending that the idea of not knowing me makes you sick. You're not sick. You are perfect and my state of mind is only food for your self esteem. It's amazing how much we have in common, even if you hate the thought. Don't worry, I hate being like me too. This all sounds so stupid, but I'll deny it all till the day my deathbed starts to feel comfortable. I'll never let you see me hurt because you can't control me. I won't let you. Believe it or not, I do have that power and I won't let myself need you. Smile pretty, the camera's rolling. Thank you for proving my point by never knowing anything. Our time together, though meaningless, will be pleasant.

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That was from about two days ago I think, but I'm not sure because everyday seems to last a week. Everything seems to be getting old and tiring and conversation seems pointless. Everything I do seems stupid and nothing is ever good enough. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or maybe, I am just too far above my head to be able to see below me to make sure I'm still on the ground. Brand me, define me, and hate me with an undying passion because then I'll be like everyone else and that's what you've always wanted.

I know who you are. I know you are just a girl or a boy sitting on the otherside of the computer screen and hoping that eventually everything will turn out alright. It seems almost sad that it used to be people would wish for happiness and now they just wish for everything to be alright, to be fine, to be okay. What does that even mean? Not good, not bad, you want neutral? You want gray? You want mediocre? Enjoy. I want my black and my white and a little gray works too, but extremes are the times you'll remember. Extremes are what make a difference. Exetremes balance each out into the many shades of gray.

Ebony and ivory in perfect harmony.

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