12:32 p.m. - 2004-09-11
I'll always believe your daydreams
Dear Dreamer,
I'm glad you still have your dreams and fantasies because your daydreams are so much better then my realities. Sometimes you don't ever understand what I am trying to say and I want to yell at you and tell you to grow up, but then I remember that I would never want that. You're the little dreamer among my mind filled with realists. This is how it is, my dear little dreamer. I never want you to grow up. I never want you to feel lonely and I never want you to ever have to give in to peer pressure angst. You are happier then those poeple will ever be. If you ever do, blame me. Sometimes you just need someone to blame the world's disasters on. Why not me? I caused the hurricane. I killed your mother. I am the disease. You can blame me all you want because I represent the human race and the world would be a much more beautiful place without me in that sense. Everyone needs chaos and everyone needs a reason to live through that chaos. You will never be my reason because I will never keep living for you, because there are days when I wonder why we're friends and I question if you care and I wish you wouldn't. I would never live for you, because that would mean I would die on days like that. I'm in this for me...I just happen to be dragging you along for company. I'm keeping your head above water so I never have to wonder if I did anything worth while. I am selfish. I am what you complain about at night. I guess it doesn't matter. That's sort of what started it. I won't change. People tell me to stop trying to help people all the time, but I won't. This is what I know is right and I'll keep doing it. I know my limits and I'll push them, but I know them and I know how much I can take and I leave if it gets too hard to take everything. I know what I'm doing is right and I know I'll never regret it. I'm happier then most people will ever be and I know I can always always cheer myself up. I happen to love that about myself. I just.....I guess I wish that more people would want to change the world rather than being content with ruining it. Oh dreamer, what do you dream of? Tell me all the details so I feel as if I actually saw them too? I don't sleep so I don't dream, but that doesn't mean I don't wish on all those shooting stars and birthday candles and at 11:11 you can bet your bottom dollar my eyes will be closed and my arms will be outstreched and I'll be wishing. I'll always be wishing. When it's thundering and lightening and raining so hard I'll be in the street spinning in circles with my arms out wide and screaming and giggling and you, I'll tell you now that I'll be thinking of all the things that would make the world a better place and I'll try to do them. I'll try to change the world and I'll try to make you happy. I'm always trying, usually failing, and almost always disappointing someone, but such is my way and I hope you never think it futile of me to keep trying. Hold me close, count the headlights on the highway, name a star after me, and wish on it every night, because eventually I'll hold you back and eventually we'll get different numbers of headlights and eventually my star will fade and you'll be wishing that you saw me when I was still there instead of waiting until the big finale, because by then it won't be so grand. I'll be too tired, too burnt out, too tired to put on any big shows for you and I'll just go and be gone. Be here with me now because later I'll be so far far away. So, what do you say? Will you come skipping in the rain with me? Will you scream and throw your arms up because it's just too perfect a moment not to? Will you play cards with me for hours, because I can't think of a better way to spend the day? Oh dreamer, I hope you never stop dreaming. I'll never stop wishing. Your phone will never stop ringing and I will always be there to teach you the things that I already now. Maybe I'm falling, but I'm doing it with grace, which is a once in a lifetime occurance. Look at all the people. They might not be here tomorrow, but I will be. I'll be here everyday, until I'm not anymore. When will that be? You know. You know everything, dreamer. Someday all your dreams will come true, or so you think and who am I to tell you otherwise when I'm not a dreamer and wouldn't not if it were possible or not. If it is, will you dream a dream for me? Dream for me a life where I can make you happy and while you wait, you can blame me for all that goes wrong, because it won't change anything besides giving you some peace of mind and that's worth all my self confidence. Dreamer, don't let me down, or if you do, just let me fall and don't pick me back up.
Love always,
The wisher
