12:30 p.m. - 2004-07-26
Remind me....just remind me ...or am i talking to myself?
I think we all lie and we all hurt and we all bring each other down. I think we're so concerned with other people figuring us out. Or maybe not everyone else. Maybe it's just me, but I know I do it. I'm terrible and I know this. I'm a terrible liar and honestly I think telling the the truth about stuff that doesn't matter, about me, isn't worth it. Just....watch the lights go down and let the cables sleep and hug me before you go...because years later I'll still be holding onto this one moment. Maybe I am blind and maybe I give up too easily, but maybe I need you to tell me I do it. I won't change for myself. I'd change for you. Just....tell me what's real. That's all I need. I need to know who I am and how we should be and where we are. Why are we all liars? Why are we all so broken hearted? Why do we paint on our smiles and cover our eyes with glitter to hide the redness that only tears can leave? Just....help me remember. Please. I'm here. I'm asking for help. I did it. I'm pathetic. I'm weak. I know. I'm begging to just...just get some answers. Just...please...remind me why we're here and what my purpose is and what I've done to help or hurt or hate or be hated. Just yell or scream or tell me I'm worthless or anything. Please. I know you think I'm lying and I'll get angry at you for this, but I could never be angry with you for long and this is what I need. I need this because I won't let anyone tell me what I am and if you tell me I can't do it, then God help me I will. I'll win...because I'm too stubborn to let you see me fallen in the dirt. Please. Please do this. You don't even have to know me. Just...tell me what you think of me. Give me something to work on. Give me a reason to prove you wrong. No more of those pointless compliments that I'll never believe. Have you ever noticed that compliments are so much harder to believe then insults? I think they are. I'm not saying nobody loves me or that nobody cares. I'm just saying that I need someone to care enough to tell me what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm a fanatic or maybe I'm whiny and needy and just...too many things are wrong with me, but if I can't count on you to do this, then who can I count on at all? My blood, your blood, and then we hug. We're together forever. Or maybe we never even knew each other. Maybe.....but I doubt it.
