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2:51 p.m. - 2004-07-23
My smile is the moonlight, your chances of seeing it during the day are decreasing as the cycle continues
I'm so fucking down that the ants that surround me look like mountains. I'm lonely and nervous and feeling so damn trivial that...oh, nevermind. I don't even expect you to care anymore. I almost didn't get out of bed today. I wish I hadn't. The only reason I did was because it was expected of me. Afterall, what's a family day with two daughters missing? So, I rolled out of bed at 12:30 and showered. We went to lunch and later we're going to a movie. I think by the time the movie is over, I'll be ready to cry or run away. I think I'll go visit Wilson after the movie. Yes, I will. I told Janine I would visit him when I could and today I will. I don't even have the energy for any deep thoughts or entries to people who I feel deserve them. They probably don't even deserve them. I could be a total recluse and still spread angst throughout my prose, signifying my need to make a difference, no matter how small. This just proves that I live in my own imagination and a lot of the time it is pretty accurate, or accurate enough to be related to. So, maybe you don't deserve my lies and lectures, but trust me when I say, that I only tell you them because I trick myself into believeing you actually want to hear them. I'm so sorry. I should have known better then to trust myself.....

I used to tell you that I'd buy you a new life and you would be happy. I quit my job and soon I'll be broke, but as long as I have pennies in my pocket, I'll keep trying to make you happy.

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