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4:28 p.m. - 2004-06-14
Irony ends the comic tragedy we wrote in water, because both our tears and blood ran dry
I forgot how much I liked writing here. It feels like I can actually write and not have to worry about writing in riddles, even if I usually do that anyways. Oh well, I just felt like visiting diaryland again because I said I'd do that every once in a while and when better then now? Today I have a letter for you. Yes, you.

Dear you,

Yes, you. Sweet, friendly you. Guess what? You aren't so sweet and friendly. Well, no, that's a lie. You are those things because you pretend to be and afterall, we are what we pretend to be, but you aren't those things to me. I'm really quite lonely right now and I guess that's why I'm writing to you. You are who I take everything out on, even when you least deserve it. Oh well, you don't mind. You don't mind because I made you up. You are my everyone and in reality you are no one. I built you to be perfect and yet have everything wrong with you, maybe that's why you're perfect in that fucked up way. I want you to know that I'll never forget. I'll always hold a grudge and I'll always think before trusting you because you've given me so many reasons to not tell you a thing, but I also want you to know that I'll never, never forget to ask you how you've been. I never will. We'll grow apart. We'll stop being good enough for each other, but when I see you in the supermarket, I'll always stop and ask you how you've been and how the kids are. I guess that doesn't make sense because I jumped from the present into the future and that isn't what concerns me at all and I guess I never made my point, but I hope you don't mind. It basically boils down to me being angry because I've had a terrible few weeks and I want you to be mad or sad or hate me or sympathize with me...or ..or anything. I want to know you are human and I want you to show emotion. I want you to get the point and I want you to stop being upset over stuff that will never matter. I want you to be real. I want you to let me be angry, but tell me to get over it. I want you to explode at me some nights telling me how stupid and childish and selfish I am, but mostly I want you to remember that i'm on the other side of those rant sessions and that even though I don't mind listening, I have stuff that gets me down too and sometimes it's nice when you remember to ask me why I'm crying those invisible tears. I guess it doesn't really matter, since we're all temporary anyways, but I think we'd both be happier if we ignored this. So, throw salt over your shoulder when you spill it;because you could always use some good luck, always make a wish on an eyelash; because someday you're wish might come true, and think of me when you drink hot choclate in the summer and watch a thunderstorm overhead; because I may be nobody, but I'd sure appreciate it if I wasn't forgotten. And don't worry, I'll never forget you. I want to be a better friend to you and I want to call you at 3 in the morning, because I know you're still awake and I want you to talk to me, because I'm not good at starting conversations. I want to be able to trust you and I want to be able to stop wishing, but I'll never stop wishing.

I'll wish on a star at midnight and I hope you wish on one too and then maybe our stars will shine brighter and maybe our stars will be friends and maybe my star will tell your star my wish and maybe you'll make it come true. Maybe it could happen.

You are the reason I fall and the reason I get back up, but the sad part is that I get up only to help you up too. Stop following me into the mud and stop trusting me to clean you up, and mostly stop depending on me to turn around and see if you need saving.

Love always,

The second chance you keep on expecting

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